Surrogacy is often described as a journey of the heart—but for many gay couples, it’s just as much a journey of the wallet. Reddit threads offer raw, detailed breakdowns of costs, budgeting, sacrifices, and surprises. Below are stories, numbers, and lessons from people who’ve walked the path.
“How much does it really cost?”
Story 1
One Redditor in r/gaydads said:
“They spent about $400,000 on the process and another $200,000 in preparation from cash and stock sales. That just brought their one-each sons to a living birth.”
That includes everything: embryo creation, agency/egg donor or surrogate matching, legal, medical, insurance, travel, etc. They sold property, cashed out stock, combined savings just to reach that number. (Reddit)
Story 2
Another poster noted:
“With surrogacy prices, I think you’re likely to pay something like $180k but it could be more or less.”
They qualified that by adding that the sticker price assumes everything goes “perfectly” — donor works well, surrogate carries without complications, all transfers succeed. Deviation tends to cost extra. (Reddit)
Story 3
From a UK couple discussing going to the U.S.:
“It seems that the price for end to end package are roughly $230k for the first kid and $170k for a sibling journey which adds up to ~$400k on the US side.”
They also mention travel, legal cost in the UK, accommodations, etc, making their total budget higher than just medical/agency. (Reddit)
Breakdown: What eats up the money
From multiple threads, here are the common cost components people repeatedly mention, along with real numbers when available:
| Cost component | Typical range / examples | Notes what can push cost higher |
|---|---|---|
| Surrogate fees (compensation, lost wages, etc.) | ~$35,000-$60,000+ depending on health history, location | Higher if surrogate has previous successful pregnancies, or in high-cost-of-living area. (Reddit) |
| IVF / embryo creation / egg donor / vitrification / embryo storage | Varies widely; ~$50,000-$70,000 or more in many US cases | If egg donor needed, multiple retrieval cycles, long embryo storage, genetic screening, etc. (Reddit) |
| Agency fees or full-service packages | Often tens of thousands ($20k-$40k or more) | “All inclusive” packages cost more; lower cost if agency is partially bypassed, or surrogate is known personally. (Reddit) |
| Legal work and contracts | Often $5,000-$15,000+ depending on state / country | Parentage orders, contracts with surrogate, donor legal work. Sometimes two lawyers. (Reddit) |
| Insurance & medical costs | Highly variable; could be included or extra | Prenatal care, possible complications, birth hospital costs, insurance for the surrogate, possibly lost wage compensation. (Reddit) |
| Travel / lodging / other incidental expenses | Several thousands to tens of thousands depending on location | If surrogate or clinic far, flights, hotel stays, multiple visits, newborn medical follow-ups. (Reddit) |
“We thought we prepared, but…”
Stories of unexpected or hidden costs show up often. Here are things people didn’t initially budget for, but had to cover:
- Legal requirements where money needs to be in escrow or trust funds in advance. One couple budgeting for two kids estimated ~$500,000 factoring in flights, legal fees in home country, accommodation, etc. (Reddit)
- Costs for failed embryo transfers: IVF cycles that do not lead to pregnancy still cost (medications, donor fees, lab work). Many warn that you should assume failures will happen. (Reddit)
- Travel and lodging for intended parents or surrogate/hospital stays around the time of birth. This includes last-minute flights, hotel rooms, etc. Real-life posts note that these add up quickly. (Reddit)
- Insurance for surrogate, maternity complications, sometimes health insurance doesn’t cover everything. Extra bills especially if something goes off-plan. (Reddit)
How people fund it
From Redditors:
- Selling or cashing in investments/stock, or using property sale proceeds. One couple said they sold their house or used stock sales to raise preparation funds. (Reddit)
- Saving over years; living frugally leading up to it. Cutting back on lifestyle expenses, delaying other big purchases to accumulate what they need. (Reddit)
- Some used personal loans, or asked family for help. Some used life savings or retirement accounts. But many warn of risk. (Reddit)
- Choosing lower-cost countries (Mexico, Colombia) when possible, or using agencies abroad. Some successfully did so, reducing cost significantly compared to full US package. But those bring extra legal/travel/logistics risk. (Reddit)
Sample quotes
“It saves you a huge chunk (most surrogates are roughly 60k plus expenses like insurance and lost wages) of the costs but you will still end up paying at least 80-90k.”
— From someone whose friend offered to act as surrogate. (Reddit)
“We were super happy with Dr. Jain at Santa Monica Fertility. … We found our surrogate not from an agency but on a Facebook group … a nurse … health insurance … that saved us a bunch of money!” (Reddit)
“For sure just call and ask for a financial intro meeting. I would say that you can do it all for under 170.” (California SD/clinic context) (Reddit)
Lessons and budgeting advice
From what Redditors share, here are distilled pieces of advice:
- Overestimate your budget — plan for worst case: failed cycles, extra legal work, travel changes.
- Ask for itemized cost estimates at every stage: egg donor, clinic, agency, legal, insurance, surrogate compensation.
- Explore surrogate’s insurance and whether surrogate has coverage for pregnancy. That can reduce major expenses.
- Get financial protection or guarantee programs if available; sometimes agencies offer “guarantee” packages. But read the fine print carefully. (Reddit)
- Consider cross-border or international options, if lawful and feasible — may reduce costs, but watch for hidden legal/logistics cost.
- Budget for non-medical costs (travel, lodging, lost wages, postpartum care, newborn care) which often surprise people.
Closing reflections
Going through Reddit, what’s clear is that money is often the biggest hurdle, or at least one of the top three (alongside legal work and emotional strain). But many who complete the process emphasize that while the financial burden is heavy, the result—a child—is deeply worth it. One Redditor said:
“It’s a lot and it’s not easy or cheap, but having a compassionate surrogate is the only way we were able to afford the process and it was all completely worth it.”
If you are planning this journey, gathering real cost stories (like these), doing accurate cost estimates, and building a financial plan are vital. Reddit can be a helpful place to hear what people really paid, what surprised them, and what they wished they had known.
