The Moment I Knew
It was a Tuesday evening in my 39th year, and I was sitting alone at my favorite Houston restaurant—a cozy Italian place in Montrose where the staff knows my name and my usual order. As I watched a family celebrate a birthday at the next table—two parents, two kids, one messy, glorious chocolate cake—I didn’t feel sadness or jealousy. I felt a deep, startling clarity: I could have that. Not the two parents part. The family part.
My name is Dr. Anya Sharma, and I’m a pediatric cardiologist at Texas Children’s Hospital. I spend my days fixing children’s hearts, but for years, I’d been quietly breaking my own with a single question: Could I—should I—become a mother on my own?
Like many single professional women in Houston, I had built what looked from the outside like a complete life: a beautiful townhouse in the Heights, a rewarding career, wonderful friends, a rescue dog who thinks he’s human. But there was an emptiness that grew louder as I approached 40. Not the societal pressure to “settle down”—I’ve happily shrugged that off for years. This was different. This was a biological, spiritual, undeniable yearning.
That night at the restaurant, I went home and did what I do with every major decision: I started a spreadsheet. Columns for adoption, foster-to-adopt, IVF with a known donor, and gestational surrogacy. Rows for cost, timeline, legal complexity, emotional factors, and success rates.
What I discovered about gestational surrogacy in Houston—and specifically, about doing it as a single parent by choice—changed not just my spreadsheet, but my life. Today, my son Rohan is 18 months old, sleeping upstairs as I write this. And I want to share what I learned: not just as a doctor, but as a single mother who found her way through Houston’s remarkable surrogacy landscape.
Why Houston? The Single Parent Advantage
When people think of Texas, they often think of traditional family values. What they don’t realize is that Houston might be the most single-parent-by-choice-friendly city in the South. Here’s why:
1. Legal Clarity for Singles
Texas Family Code Chapter 160 doesn’t say “married couples only.” It says “intended parents.” That plural includes single intended parents. Houston courts grant pre-birth orders to single parents regularly. In fact, according to my lawyer, about 20% of her gestational surrogacy cases are for single intended parents.
2. Medical Infrastructure That Doesn’t Bat an Eye
At the Texas Medical Center, I’m “Dr. Sharma, single intended parent,” not “that single woman trying to have a baby.” The bureaucracy is set up for diverse family structures. My fertility clinic had a specific coordinator for single parents. The hospital registration forms had a checkbox for “single intended parent” right next to “married couple.”
3. A Surprisingly Robust Community
Houston has an active Single Mothers by Choice group with over 300 members. There’s a subset of us who’ve done surrogacy. We have playdates, meal trains, and—most importantly—a text chain for 3 AM “is this normal?” questions.
4. Diversity as Default
In a city where no ethnic group is a majority, being different isn’t remarkable. My Indian-American son with a single mother? He’s one of many interesting family stories at the Houston Children’s Museum.
First Steps: The Emotional Geography
Before we get to logistics, let’s talk about the emotional journey. Because for single parents, this part is different.
The Loneliness of Decision-Making
When couples disagree, they argue, compromise, decide together. When you’re single, every decision echoes in an empty room. Which agency? Which egg donor? Which carrier? Every “yes” feels monumental. Every “no” feels like you’re rejecting someone’s chance to exist.
My therapist, Dr. Lena Chen, who specializes in fertility journeys, told me something that changed everything: “You’re not making these decisions alone. You’re making them foryour future child. He’s already with you in spirit. Talk to him.”
So I did. I’d sit with my spreadsheet and say, “Okay, kiddo. Option A is a donor with a Ph.D. in physics. Option B is a donor who’s a musician. Which mom do you want?” It sounds silly. It wasn’t. It made the journey feel collaborative rather than lonely.
The “Why Not Wait?” Question
Everyone asks. Colleagues, relatives, well-meaning friends. “You’re so amazing! The right person will come along!” As if partnership were a prerequisite for parenthood rather than a separate life goal.
My answer evolved. First it was defensive. Then it was educational. Finally, it was simple: “Because I’m ready to be a parent now, and I don’t need to be in a relationship to be a good mother.”
Houston helped here too. In a city of transplants and strivers, people understand not waiting for perfect conditions. We’re a city that built a world-class medical center in a swamp. We get making things happen.
The Logistics: Building Your Team
As a single parent, your team isn’t just helpful—it’s essential. You’re the CEO, CFO, and emotional director of this project. Here’s who you need:
1. The Agency: Your Quarterback
Not all surrogacy agencies are created equal for single parents. I interviewed five. Here’s what mattered:
Must-haves:
- Experience with single parents (ask for references)
- Clear communication (you’re the only point of contact for everything)
- Emotional support specifically for singles
- A diverse pool of gestational carriers open to single parents
My choice: “Houston Family Pathways.” Why? Because when I walked in, the first thing I saw on their bulletin board was photos of single parents with their babies. Not tucked in a corner—front and center. And their coordinator, Maria, said: “We treat single parents exactly like couples. Because you’re building exactly the same thing: a family.”
2. The Lawyer: Your Legal Guardian
Texas law is friendly to single parents, but you need a lawyer who knows how to navigate it. Key questions to ask:
For Texas law specifically:
- “How many pre-birth orders have you gotten for single parents in Harris County?”
- “What additional documentation do I need compared to couples?”
- “How do we establish that I’m the sole legal parent with all rights and responsibilities?”
My lawyer, Sarah Jensen, was brilliant. “The main difference for singles,” she explained, “is that we establish you as the sole legal parent from conception. No second parent to waive rights. Actually simpler in some ways.”
Cost: About $12,000, same as for couples. No “single parent surcharge,” though some lawyers do charge more for what they call “extra documentation.” Shop around.
3. The Fertility Clinic: Your Medical Home
I’m a doctor, so I was picky. But my criteria might surprise you:
Medical excellence was assumed (this is the Texas Medical Center). What mattered more:
- Single-parent-friendly policies (could I attend appointments alone without awkwardness?)
- Flexible scheduling (I’m a surgeon with unpredictable hours)
- Counseling support for singles
- Experience with solo IVF (different protocols sometimes)
My clinic, Houston Fertility Specialists, had a “Single Parents by Choice” coordinator. Not a nurse—a dedicated person who helped with scheduling, paperwork, and emotional support. She remembered that I’d be doing this without a partner to give me shots. She taught me how to do my own IVF injections while FaceTiming her. “Most of our single moms are experts by the third day,” she said. She was right.
4. The Egg Donor: The Genetic Question
This was the most emotionally complex part. As a single parent, your child gets 50% of their genetics from you, 50% from a stranger you choose from a database. The weight of that is extraordinary.
Houston’s advantage: Multiple excellent egg banks and fresh donor programs. But more importantly, psychological support specifically for this decision.
My process:
- Genetic counseling first: Before looking at donors, I met with a genetic counselor. We discussed my family history (some diabetes, no major genetic conditions), and what I might want to avoid or look for.
- The “dream donor” exercise: My therapist had me write a letter to my future child about their donor. Not characteristics, but values. “Your donor was kind.” “Your donor was curious.” Then we worked backward to attributes.
- The database: Houston Donor Network’s database lets you search by everything from education to musical ability to childhood photos. I spent weeks. I became obsessed with eye color, then realized: my baby won’t care about eye color. He’ll care if I read to him.
- The choice: I chose “Donor 247,” a graduate student in social work, not because she looked like me (she doesn’t), but because her personal statement said: “I believe in leaving the world better than I found it.” That’s what I want for my child.
Cost: 8,000−15,000 for donor eggs, plus agency fees. Higher if using a fresh donor rather than frozen.
5. The Gestational Carrier: Your Partner
Finding the right carrier as a single parent has unique dimensions. It’s not just “will she be healthy?” It’s “will she be comfortable being the only other adult in this pregnancy with me?”
What I looked for:
- Previous surrogacy experience (she knew what she was signing up for)
- Older (not in age, but in life stage—her kids were in school, she had more flexibility)
- Located in Houston (I wanted to attend appointments)
- Crucially: Expressed comfort with single parents
My carrier, Chloe, was 34, a former teacher now staying home with her two kids. In her profile, she’d written: “I’ve worked with single parents as a teacher and seen how amazing they are. I’d be honored to help create such a family.”
Our first meeting was at a coffee shop in the Heights. I was nervous. Would she think I was selfish? Would she pity me? Would she ask about the “father”?
She hugged me. “I’ve been following your journey through the agency updates,” she said. “I’m so excited to help you become a mom.”
The question of contact: We agreed on monthly in-person visits (I’d take her to lunch after appointments), weekly texts, and whatever medical updates she was comfortable sharing. More than some couples, less than others. It was our balance.
The Financial Reality: Single Income, Double Responsibility
Let’s talk money, because as a single parent, it’s all on you. Total cost for gestational surrogacy in Houston: 130,000−180,000. Here’s how I made it work on a doctor’s salary (good but not private-jet good):
The Breakdown:
- Agency fees: $25,000
- Legal fees: $12,000
- Fertility clinic (IVF, embryo creation): $25,000
- Egg donor: $12,000
- Carrier compensation and expenses: $60,000+
- Medical costs (her insurance, plus my insurance for baby): Varies
- Total for me: $145,000
How I Paid for It:
- Savings: I’d been saving for 5 years ($60,000)
- Professional loan: Doctors have access to special loans ($50,000)
- Parental gift: My parents gave me $20,000 (their idea—they said it was their “college fund” for their grandchild)
- CareCredit: For medical expenses ($15,000)
What I Wish I’d Known:
- Some employers offer fertility benefits (mine didn’t, but some Houston companies do)
- There are grants for single parents by choice (applied, didn’t get)
- You can negotiate some fees (I got 10% off agency fees by paying upfront)
- Tax implications: Some expenses might be deductible as medical (consult a CPA)
The Legal Journey: Paperwork as a Solo Act
The legal process for single parents is actually streamlined in some ways. No second parent to background check. No second set of documents to coordinate.
My timeline:
- Month 1: Signed with agency and lawyer
- Month 2: Matched with Chloe, signed initial agreement
- Month 3: Court hearing for pre-birth order
- Month 4: Embryo transfer
- Month 5: Pregnancy confirmed
- Month 13: Rohan born, my name alone on birth certificate
The court hearing was via Zoom. The judge, a woman in her 50s, looked at my file. “I see here you’re a pediatric cardiologist at Texas Children’s.”
“Yes, Your Honor.”
“And you want to be a mom.”
“More than anything.”
She smiled. “I’ve approved your order. Good luck, Doctor.”
Ten minutes. That was it.
The birth certificate process was equally simple. At Texas Children’s Pavilion for Women, the birth registrar came to my room. “Single parent by surrogacy?” she asked. I nodded, nervous. She smiled. “We do about one of these a week. Your paperwork is already in the system from the pre-birth order. Just need your ID.”
No awkward questions. No raised eyebrows. Just: “Congratulations, Mom.”
The Emotional Support System: Building Your Village
Here’s the truth: doing this alone doesn’t mean being alone. It means being intentional about your support system.
My village included:
- My parents: Initially hesitant (“Why not wait for marriage?”), then all-in. My mom came for the last month of pregnancy and first three months postpartum.
- My “surro-sisters”: Three other single moms by surrogacy I met through Houston Single Mothers by Choice. We had a group text that saved my sanity.
- My work family: My department gave me 6 months of partially paid leave (using all my saved time plus donated time from colleagues).
- My therapist: Weekly sessions the entire journey.
- My pediatrician friend: Available for 3 AM texts.
- Chloe, my carrier: Who became an unexpected source of wisdom and support.
Houston-specific resources:
- Single Mothers by Choice Houston: 300+ members, monthly meetups
- LGBTQ+ Family Center: Welcomes single parents, has “alternative family building” groups
- The Women’s Hospital of Texas: Classes specifically for single expecting parents
- Various churches/synagogues/mosques: Many have single parent groups (I found a supportive community at a progressive church)
The Birth: Showing Up Solo
When Chloe went into labor, I was in a surgery. My pager went off: “Carrier in labor. Come now.” I finished the procedure, handed off to my colleague, and literally ran to the Pavilion.
What I’d arranged in advance:
- A backup person (my friend Priya) to be there if I couldn’t
- A doula specifically for intended parents (worth every penny)
- A photographer (also a single mom by choice)
What happened:
I made it. Chloe was incredible. When Rohan was born, the nurse placed him directly on my chest. “Here’s your son, Mama,” she said. Not “the baby.” My son.
Chloe looked at me, sweaty and exhausted and beaming. “You’re a mom,” she said.
I stayed in the hospital with Rohan. Chloe went home the next day. We had a goodbye that wasn’t goodbye—more of a “see you soon.” And we have. She visits monthly. Her children call Rohan their “surro-brother.”
The First Year: Solo Parenting Reality
The myths about single parenting:
- “It must be so hard”: Sometimes. But so is parenting with a partner. Different challenges.
- “You must be so tired”: Yes. But I’d be tired with a partner too. Babies don’t care about your marital status.
- “Don’t you wish you had help?”: I have help. Just not a live-in partner.
Houston makes it easier:
- Delivery services: Everything from HEB to Target delivers
- Mommy’s helpers: College students available for $15/hour
- Park culture: Houston’ parks are full of parents and nannies. Easy to make friends
- Medical support: My pediatrician has weekend hours. The Children’s Museum has “baby days”
The village in action:
- Meal train for 6 weeks
- My neighbor walking my dog
- Colleagues covering emergency call
- My “surro-sisters” group texting at all hours
Challenges I Didn’t Expect
- The paperwork: Everything is in your name. Everything. No dividing and conquering.
- Medical decisions alone: The first time Rohan spiked a fever, I had to decide: pediatrician or ER? I called my pediatrician friend in a panic.
- The “dad question”: People ask. I have a script: “He has a sperm donor who gave the gift of life, and a mother who adores him. That’s his story.”
- Dating: I’m not. Maybe later. Right now, my heart is full.
Why Houston Gets It Right
Houston works for single parents by choice because:
- Pragmatism over politics: Houston is a practical city. The question isn’t “should a single woman have a baby?” It’s “how can we help this patient build her family?”
- Medical excellence: From fertility treatment to pediatric care, it’s all here, integrated.
- Legal clarity: The system knows what to do with us.
- Community: You can find your people here, whatever your family looks like.
- Diversity: We’re used to different. Different is normal here.
For Single People Considering This Path
If you’re thinking about gestational surrogacy as a single person in Houston:
- Join Houston Single Mothers by Choice first: Even before you decide. Go to a meeting. Ask questions.
- Get financially real: Talk to a financial advisor who knows fertility costs.
- Interview agencies specifically about single parent experience: Ask: “How many single parents have you worked with? Can I talk to them?”
- Find your therapist now: Not when you’re in the middle of it.
- Remember: You’re not “settling” for single parenthood. You’re choosing it. There’s power in that.
Rohan’s World
Rohan is 18 months now. He’s currently obsessed with trucks, bananas, and trying to climb everything. He has my eyes and the donor’s smile. He has Chloe’s love of music. He has a village that includes my parents, my friends, my colleagues, and a gestational carrier who sends him birthday cards.
When people ask about his family, I say: “He has a mom who wanted him so much she moved mountains. He has a carrier who loved him enough to give him life. He has a donor who gave him possibility. And he has a whole city that helped make it happen.”
Houston didn’t just make me a mother. It gave me a community that says: however you build your family, you belong here. However you become a parent, you’re a parent. However you love, it’s enough.
The View from Here
It’s 2 AM as I finish this. Rohan just stirred, and I went in to check on him. He was sleeping peacefully, one hand curled around his favorite stuffed dinosaur—a gift from Chloe.
That empty feeling I had at the restaurant three years ago? It’s gone. In its place is a love so big it sometimes feels like it might break me. And a gratitude so deep for this city that made it possible.
Houston didn’t just give me a son. It gave me a road map, a legal system that protected us, a medical community that supported us, and a village that sustains us. It gave me the courage to stop waiting for a traditional path and create my own.
To every single person wondering if they can do this: You can. And in Houston, you’ll find the help, the expertise, and the community to make it not just possible, but joyful.
Welcome to the single parents by choice family. We have a seat saved for you at our messy, wonderful, chaotic table. And the coffee’s always on.
