Bringing home a child via surrogacy is often described by gay dads as both triumphant and chaotic—a culmination of years of planning, waiting, legal hurdles, and emotional investment. Here’s a composite narrative built from multiple Reddit voices, presenting what many say happens in those first days: signing paperwork, confirming identity, and finally holding the baby.
The Moment You Hold Them
One Redditor described how intense the moment of first holding the baby felt, even after all the waiting:
“It’s a lot and it’s not easy or cheap, but having a compassionate surrogate … and all the paperwork was worth it.”
That sentiment is echoed across threads: after the legal, medical stress, the first time you hold the child is often described as a shock to the system—tearful, overwhelming, relief mingled with disbelief.
Many dads say they had prepared for every possible scenario, but nothing truly prepares you for seeing your baby’s face and feeling that responsibility shift instantly onto you.
Legal Documents and Parentage Confirmation
One of the biggest technical challenges in the first days is legal recognition of the intended parents. Several Reddit threads highlight how critical it is to have the legal groundwork in place so that the hospital, birth certificate office, and child welfare agencies recognize the intended parents immediately.
From a post about legal documentation:
“The most important part for us was making sure that a judge approved our official parentage before our kid was actually born …”
Many intended fathers note that having a pre-birth order or parentage order already in place is what allowed them to be listed on the birth certificate and avoid further adoption proceedings. Without it, you might have to go through a second-parent adoption (or other legal process) after birth, which can delay rights, hospital interaction, and custody. (This is a frequent concern in Reddit’s “Legal Documents Needed for Surrogacy” threads.)
Getting the child’s legal identity confirmed sometimes means:
- Presenting the court’s parentage order in the hospital immediately after birth
- Filing documents with the local vital records office for the birth certificate
- Submitting identity and parentage paperwork to immigration or consular authorities (especially for international surrogacy)
- Sometimes doing DNA testing or signing affidavits to confirm parental rights
When all goes smoothly, intended dads get their names on hospital records and the birth certificate quickly, sometimes before leaving the hospital.
But when legal orders are missing or ambiguous, delays can arise: the hospital may designate the surrogate’s name temporarily, or require adoption steps, or demand additional court orders.
Emotional Drain, Relief, and New Roles
In early posts in the “Gay men who went through surrogacy” thread, users hint that the process is “gruelling,” which suggests that the emotional toll carries into birth and beyond:
“My husband and I went through surrogacy … everyone’s experience is totally different.”
In those first hours and days, parents say they feel a mix of exhaustion (from months of anticipation and stress), sheer relief, and a sense of responsibility that hits hard. Even in public threads that don’t focus on the newborn moments, the undercurrent is that holding the baby, hearing them cry, feeding them, and seeing their face makes every legal hurdle worth it.
Many mention sleepless nights, overwhelming love, and the early bonding instinct, often while juggling final paperwork, hospital discharge procedures, and navigating newborn care.
They also recognize that the surrogate—if involved in handover—is central to that moment; many express gratitude to the surrogate for carrying through and support.
Challenges and Uncertainties That Arise
Because not everyone has perfect legal groundwork, some dads recount obstacles:
- Mistakes or omissions in paperwork that require corrections
- Hospitals unfamiliar with surrogacy or nontraditional parent structures
- Birth certificates temporarily listing the surrogate as mother
- Delayed parental rights, which affects decision-making over medical care
- For international cases, delays in bringing the child home due to visa/citizenship issues
Even though full stories of these are rare on Reddit, many Redditors caution new parents to prepare for “surprises at birth” because hospital staff or state clerks may not know how to handle surrogacy cases. That’s why many stress the importance of having all parentage documents ready in advance.
