This article is a compiled, interview-style record of real Reddit posts and comments from gay men who chose surrogacy. Quotes are short and anonymized; longer experiences are paraphrased to preserve accuracy while keeping the narrative readable.
Introduction — the question behind the choice
“Why surrogacy?” is one of the first, and deepest, questions gay men ask when they decide to become parents. On Reddit you’ll find a range of answers — practical, emotional, legal and financial. Some couples chose surrogacy because they wanted a genetic link; some because adoption systems didn’t fit their goals or timeline; others because medical or legal certainty mattered. Below are anonymized, closely sourced interview-style accounts drawn from multiple Reddit threads where men explained why they took this route.
“We wanted a genetic child” — biological connection matters to many
One recurring reason is straightforward: many couples want a biological child. For some that means each partner contributing sperm across different embryos; for others it means at least one partner having a genetic link to the child. As one couple described their choice of embryo strategy: “we fertilized half the eggs with mine and half with his,” so both fathers could potentially be biological parents.
Paraphrased example (from Reddit): a married couple explained they selected an egg donor and had embryos created with both partners’ sperm, then froze embryos and planned transfers so each partner would have biological parenthood opportunities. This approach allows couples to keep genetic options open and share the “biological” part of parenthood.
“We wanted predictability and control — adoption felt uncertain”
Several posters contrasted surrogacy with adoption. For them, adoption — while wonderful for many families — did not offer the same medical predictability or control over prenatal care, scheduling, and medical history. One Redditor said their couple’s ambition was to “build our ideal family” and they prioritized a path that allowed them more input into medical screening, embryo selection (PGT/health screening) and the timing of the pregnancy. For some, that predictability was decisive.
The financial trade-off: we knew it would cost — and saved accordingly
Money is a hard reality. Multiple Reddit threads feature frank cost discussions: one couple reported spending well over $150,000 and spending years (multiple IVF cycles, donor changes and surrogates) before success; others estimate $150k–$250k or even ~$200k, depending on geography and circumstances. For many, the decision to pursue surrogacy was accompanied by financial planning — loans, savings, or delaying other life goals. The cost discussion is consistently blunt on Reddit: surrogacy is expensive, and planning for that expense is part of “why” couples choose a specific route or country.
Personal and medical reasons: infertility, age, and health concerns
Not every couple’s choice is about preference. Some men or their partners have medical reasons that push them toward surrogacy (e.g., infertility, prior medical history, or other reproductive barriers). Others note age and timing: they want children now and adoption or fostering timelines didn’t match their plans. Multiple users describe fertility clinic conversations where creating embryos first (with an egg donor) is described as the logical first step — and the start of the surrogacy path.
Emotional drivers: the desire to parent from the start
Beyond genetics and logistics, Reddit posts make clear an emotional driver: many men wanted to experience parenthood from the very beginning of a child’s life. Comments emphasize wanting prenatal involvement, attending ultrasounds, and being present for the birth. For these dads, surrogacy is not only a way to have a child — it’s a way to be there from conception onward. That emotional continuity is repeatedly named as a reason to choose surrogacy rather than alternative routes.
Practical example: a short, anonymized interview extract (composite)
Interviewer: Why did you choose surrogacy rather than adoption?
Dad A (paraphrase): “We wanted a genetic connection if possible, and we liked that clinics let us screen embryos. Adoption felt like a lottery in our area — it would take longer and we’d have less medical transparency. Surrogacy was expensive, yes, but it also gave us a clear medical plan and the chance to be part of the pregnancy.”
Interviewer: Was cost a deterrent?
Dad A (paraphrase): “It was huge. We saved for years and planned for setbacks — multiple cycles are normal. A lot of families here budget six figures.”
Common concerns shared on Reddit (themes to note)
- Cost & time: many couples expect multiple cycles and six-figure budgets.
- Legal clarity: couples choose jurisdictions/clinics that provide clear parentage orders and established agency support.
- Genetic choices: couples often create embryos for both partners, or split embryo allocation so both have a chance at genetic parenthood.
- Emotional investment: being part of the pregnancy experience is frequently cited as a powerful motivator.
Practical takeaways from Redditors for prospective intended parents
- Start with a fertility clinic — create embryos first, get accurate medical guidance. Many recommend choosing a clinic experienced with gay families.
- Plan financially for setbacks — plan for multiple failed transfers before success.
- Decide early on genetic strategy — discuss whether both partners will create embryos, split embryos, or prioritize one partner first.
- Pick a legal-friendly jurisdiction — legal parentage orders and the agency’s experience with same-sex parents matter a great deal.
- Find community — Reddit threads themselves are often cited as indispensable for emotional support and practical tips.
Limitations & closing note
This piece compiles and paraphrases public Reddit posts to produce a readable interview-style article. Reddit is invaluable for candid, first-hand accounts, but it is self-selected — experiences vary widely by country, state, clinic, and personal circumstances. If you are considering surrogacy, treat these accounts as real experience-based input, not legal or medical advice: consult fertility clinics, reproductive lawyers, and licensed mental-health professionals for decisions specific to your situation.
