Welcome — if you are a resident of Michigan thinking about becoming a surrogate, or simply wondering what it takes, you have landed in the right place. For decades, surrogacy in the Great Lakes State was surrounded by legal uncertainty, old restrictions, and plenty of misinformation. Today, legislation has shifted to create a more welcoming environment for gestational carriers, as well as for the intended parents who rely on them. That shift has opened the door for more women and families to explore surrogacy, but it has also made the need for honest, accurate answers more crucial than ever before.
In this article, we tackle the 25 questions every future surrogate asks — from legal rights and eligibility requirements to compensation, medical experiences, and emotional support. Whether you are in the early days of research or ready to start the application process, you will find practical, thoughtful guidance based on current best practices in Michigan and across the United States.
Let us walk through this journey together — one question at a time.
Table of Contents
Section 1: Michigan Surrogacy Basics
Before you dive into the emotional and medical details, it is helpful to understand the foundational vocabulary and big-picture concepts. Surrogacy is not a one-size-fits-all journey, and the more clarity you have about the basics, the easier it becomes to make confident choices.
Q1. What is gestational surrogacy, and how does it differ from traditional surrogacy?
Gestational surrogacy is the process in which a woman, called the gestational surrogate or gestational carrier, carries an embryo created through in-vitro fertilization with eggs and sperm that are not her own. She has no genetic connection to the baby. This is the most common form of surrogacy used today and is the only form practiced by most reputable agencies and clinics in the United States.
Traditional surrogacy, by contrast, uses the surrogate’s own eggs, meaning she is also the biological mother. That arrangement carries significantly higher legal and emotional complexity because parental rights become intertwined with genetics. In Michigan, traditional surrogacy is generally discouraged by professionals, and many legal experts advise against it. As a future surrogate, when you read about surrogacy opportunities or talk to agencies, they almost always mean gestational surrogacy.
Most intended parents already have embryos stored at a fertility clinic, and they need a generous, willing woman to carry their future child. That is where you step in — without your gifts of time, effort, and physical strength, their dream of a biological child might never happen.
Q2. Is surrogacy legal in Michigan?
Yes, and this deserves enthusiastic clarification. For many years, Michigan was one of the last states in which paid surrogacy was effectively criminalized. The old 1988 Surrogate Parenting Act made compensated surrogacy a felony and left even uncompensated agreements in legal limbo. That created a discouraging environment for both surrogates and intended parents, forcing many families to travel across state lines.
However, the legal landscape has changed. Michigan has joined the growing movement to protect reproductive autonomy and modern family building. Recent legislation — building on the protections of the state’s Reproductive Freedom Amendment — was designed to strike down outdated restrictions and allow enforceable gestational surrogacy agreements with reasonable compensation. Courts and lawmakers have recognized that surrogacy, when handled properly, benefits everyone involved.
This does not mean there are no rules. Michigan now has a legal framework intended to protect the surrogate’s bodily autonomy, decision-making, and contractual rights. Always verify specifics with an experienced Michigan surrogacy attorney, because procedural details can evolve as court opinions and regulations are refined.
Q3. How will Michigan’s new surrogacy law protect me personally?
You are not a vessel or a commodity — Michigan law centers on the fundamental idea that a surrogate is an active agent in the process. Under the modern surrogacy framework, you have the right to make medical decisions about your own pregnancy, independent of the intended parents. That includes decisions about your medications, prenatal care, and anything related to your health.
Before any contract is signed, you must be represented by separate legal counsel. This creates a protective buffer that ensures the contract is fair and that you truly understand every provision. The law also addresses contract enforcement so intended parents cannot abandon you financially, while you also cannot be coerced into agreed-upon medical decisions that put your safety at risk.
In addition, the law intends to establish clearer parentage rights for intended parents through orderly processes, which helps you avoid prolonged litigation or being stranded with legal responsibility for a child you never intended to parent. You should still ask your own lawyer about the specific protections in your situation, because contracts vary based on intended parents’ home states and other factors.
Q4. What is the difference between an agency and independent matching?
Working with a surrogacy agency is, for most first-time surrogates, the safest and most supported route. An agency typically serves as your liaison with intended parents, manages screening, coordinates legal and travel logistics, and offers ongoing emotional support. Agencies have established relationships with fertility clinics and attorneys, which streamlines the process from application to postpartum check-in.
Independent matching means you find intended parents through friends, internet communities, or other personal networks. While this can reduce agency fees, it requires you to coordinate your own legal team, medical providers, and matching contracts. That can feel overwhelming — especially for a first-time surrogate who already has to manage a rigorous fertility protocol.
There is no universally perfect path. Some women prefer the control of an independent arrangement, while others appreciate the structure and advocacy of an agency. A strong middle ground is to consult with a Michigan surrogacy attorney and maybe a therapist before you decide which route fits your personality and priorities.
Section 2: Requirements to Become a Surrogate
Agencies, clinics, and legal teams have established screening criteria because your health and well-being matter. The requirements also exist to protect intended parents and to maximize the chance of a smooth, successful pregnancy. Let us look at what agencies typically ask from Michigan surrogates.
Q5. What are the basic eligibility requirements to become a surrogate in Michigan?
Most established agencies follow a core set of medical, psychological, and lifestyle criteria. These can vary slightly by clinic, but this is a solid overview:
- Age: generally between 21 and 41 years old, although some clinics allow a higher upper limit
- My body mass index (BMI): usually under 35, because higher BMI can increase pregnancy risks
- At least one successful full-term pregnancy with no uncomplicated delivery
- No major untreated health conditions such as gestational diabetes or preeclampsia in a previous pregnancy
- Nonsmoker and willing to abstain from alcohol and recreational drugs during the surrogacy journey
- Generally healthy lifestyle, including regular medical care and a safe home environment
- Emotionally prepared and have a reliable support system
- Willing to undergo extensive screening and use dozens of fertility medications
These criteria provide a framework that prioritizes your safety first. They also help intended parents feel confident that whoever carries their baby will be as low-risk as possible. It is not about perfection — it is about optimizing the chance of a healthy outcome for everyone.
Q6. Why do most agencies require that I have already given birth?
The requirement of at least one previous successful birth is not a way to discriminate against first-time mothers. Instead, it shows that your body successfully handled a full pregnancy and delivery. That experience proves your uterus is able to carry a baby to term and that you have a baseline knowledge of how pregnancy feels — from morning sickness to labor.
Having given birth also gives you and your physician a useful history. You will be able to discuss how your body responded, and you will have a clearer idea of the emotional and physical demands ahead. For intended parents, this criteria offers a layer of safety and confidence; no one wants to discover a rare pregnancy complication in a surrogate when there was little previous medical history to analyze.
Do not think of this as a rigid barrier. If you have never given birth but are deeply interested in surrogacy, you can still support family building through egg donation or other roles. Many surrogates began their path after parenting their own children and felt called to take the next step.
Q7. Can I be a surrogate if I have had a C-section or previous pregnancy complications?
It depends on the specific situation. A previous uncomplicated C-section does not automatically disqualify you. Many agencies and fertility clinics allow surrogates with one or even two low-transverse C-section deliveries, provided that your uterine scar appears healed and you have had no complications since surgery.
Complications such as severe preeclampsia, HELLP syndrome, placenta issues, or uncontrolled gestational diabetes are often considered more carefully. Those conditions can indicate that your body may struggle with future pregnancies. However, some complications were isolated events unique to a particular pregnancy and might not rule you out.
The best approach is to be transparent about your history during your initial consultation. Agencies will request previous medical records and may perform a physical exam and a hysterosalpingography to evaluate your uterus. An independent physician focused on your health will make the determination, not the intended parents or agency.
Q8. What health and lifestyle factors disqualify me from surrogacy?
Surrogacy requires significant physical and emotional commitment. Some medical conditions and lifestyle behaviors are considered too risky for a surrogate to carry another couple’s child. These often include poorly controlled hypertension or diabetes, active substance misuse or alcohol dependence, severe untreated mental illness, and some chronic infections that could place the fetus at risk.
The use of tobacco, vaping, or cannabis is also grounds for disqualification at most agencies. That is because nicotine and cannabis-related compounds can affect fertility treatments and reduce the chance of a healthy pregnancy. Similarly, medications — even over-the-counter ones — are reviewed carefully, ensuring that they will not interfere with embryo development or implantation.
The disqualification list is not meant to judge you. It is a safety protocol. If you encounter one barrier, it is worth asking whether it is a hard stop or something that can be addressed with lifestyle changes, medical treatment, or a different approach. Reproductive endocrinologists look at the full picture, and they care about your long-term wellness as much as a successful birth.
| Common Eligibility Requirement | What Agencies Often Seek |
|---|---|
| Age range | 21–41 years old (varies by program) |
| Previous pregnancy | At least one full-term birth |
| BMI | Less than 35, with some flexibility |
| Smoking/substance use | No tobacco, vaping, or recreational drugs |
| Mental health | Stable condition and strong support system |
| Living environment | Safe and supportive home base |
Section 3: The Legal Side of Surrogacy
Legal questions can feel intimidating, but they are central to protecting your rights, your family, and the intended parents who are trusting you. In Michigan, the law has evolved to become more supportive — but it still requires care and organization.
Q9. Do I need my own lawyer in a Michigan surrogacy arrangement?
Absolutely, and Michigan law typically requires independent legal representation for surrogates. You cannot share the same attorney as the intended parents. You need a lawyer who is solely dedicated to representing and counseling you through the entire contract process.
The rationale is simple: if conflict arises, you deserve someone who has no divided loyalties. Your attorney will review the surrogacy agreement and explain the legal implications of carrying a child for another family. They will ensure that compensation and expense clauses are clear, that medical decision-making rights are explicit, and that you understand the process for establishing intended parents as the legal parents.
You might wonder whether you have to pay for your own lawyer. In most Michigan surrogacy contracts, the intended parents cover both sides’ legal fees. This is one of several protections that help surrogates pursue the best representation without worrying about hidden costs.
Q10. What kind of contract will I sign, and what are my rights?
The contract you sign is a gestational surrogacy agreement. It is a comprehensive, legally binding document that spells out nearly every aspect of the arrangement. You will find sections on compensation and installment payment schedules, medical care and procedures, negligence or breach clauses, parental rights, and consequences if either side changes its mind.
Your rights within the contract generally include the right to make medical decisions about your body, the right to receive compensation for your time and effort, the right to have your own health insurance or medical coverage paid, and the right to withdraw from the relationship only if the contract allows a narrow escape for compelling reasons such as a medical emergency. You retain control over your prenatal care and your personal health — no clause can force you to undergo an abortion or continue a pregnancy against your will.
Contracts must be in writing and signed voluntarily. You will have time to negotiate terms before signing, and your lawyer can push back on any unreasonable clause. Think of the contract not as a restraint, but as a written agreement that aligns expectations and protects you from being taken advantage of.
Q11. How do parental rights get established between me and the intended parents?
In Michigan, the goal is for intended parents to obtain a court order that declares them the legal parents of the child, with no continuing obligations or rights on your part. This usually happens through a process known as a parentage action. If the intended parents are married and used their own genetics, many courts have streamlined the process near the birth or shortly after.
Because surrogacy is recognized in Michigan, an order can be issued to establish the intended parents on the child’s birth certificate before or after delivery. The most favorable process is often a pre-birth parentage order, which outlines that the intended parents are legally responsible and allows their names to appear on the birth certificate from the beginning.
Your lawyer and the intended parents’ lawyer will coordinate the paperwork and court hearings. You will need to sign consent forms and may need to appear in person, depending on the requirements of the county court. This legal step is what protects you from having to take the child home as the legal mother, and it is indispensable for a healthy surrogacy experience.
Q12. What is the difference between a pre-birth order and a parentage order after birth?
These terms are often used interchangeably, but they refer to distinct timing. A pre-birth order is issued before you go into labor. It declares intended parents as the legal parents, meaning that at the moment the baby is born, the hospital will recognize them as mom and dad, and your role as gestational carrier ends cleanly.
A post-birth parentage order, on the other hand, is sought after the baby arrives. Some jurisdictions require a post-birth sequence, especially if the intended parents are single or not genetically related to the child, or if certain statutory timelines have not been satisfied. During that time, you may still be responsible for the baby until the order is entered.
In Michigan, many experienced attorneys seek pre-birth orders whenever possible, because they reduce confusion and anxiety for everyone. But you should discuss this with your own lawyer in detail. Each case depends on factors like the intended parents’ marital status, whether they used a donor, and whether the clinic is cooperative.
Section 4: Matching and the Surrogacy Journey
Once you pass screening and have legal support, you will move into the matching phase — one of the most personal and surprisingly beautiful steps of the entire process. Here you will choose the family you guide forward, or be chosen by them.
Q13. How do I choose the right intended parents?
Choosing intended parents is not simply about liking them in a video call. It is about finding that your values, communication styles, and expectations align. Before you start matching, write a list of non-negotiables: how often you want to communicate, how many embryos you are willing to transfer, how you want to handle pregnancy loss, and whether you are comfortable with the intended parents traveling for the birth.
Agencies pay attention to your preferences. They will look at profiles of intended parents and ask if you would like to have a consultation. You should also ask to review their profile and medical history, and request a background check if the agency has not already provided one.
Do not over-romanticize the idea that intended parents are always perfect; they are simply human families who need help. Respect, honesty, and shared goals matter more than chemistry. If an interaction makes you feel cautious or pressured, listen to that feeling. Your emotional wellness is directly tied to a positive outcome.
Q14. Can I meet the intended parents before agreeing to work together?
For most professional arrangements, yes. The matching meeting — whether in person or through video call — is an essential step. Surrogates and intended parents usually have at least one full conversation before they sign contracts. Some agencies facilitate an open meeting where all parties ask questions.
This is also a chance to see how you communicate. Do they act entitled or empathetically? Do they defer to your preferences? Is there any pressure to accept certain medical protocols? Pay attention to small signals. Remember that you are not applying for a job in which you must say yes; you are offering a profound gift, and the matching stage is where you set the tone for mutual respect.
If you are working with an agency, a coordinator will often sit in on the call to ensure that conversations remain respectful and clear. After the call, give yourself time before deciding. An immediate ‘no’ can be due to many factors, so be kind to yourself about your instincts.
Q15. How does a surrogacy agency match surrogates with intended parents?
Agencies use a combination of profiles and consultations. Surrogate applicants provide detailed information about their medical history, diet, lifestyle, family plans, and preferences. Intended parents similarly complete profiles about why they want to become parents, how they plan to raise the child, and what values they hope to share.
An agency then reviews these profiles for obvious incompatibilities — for example, a surrogate who only wants one embryo transfer may not be matched with a couple hoping for twins. After that, the agency will present you with a selected profile and ask if you are interested in an introduction.
The agency also performs background checks and verifies medical records to ensure everyone meets the criteria. If you both agree to proceed, the agency introduces you and then helps coordinate the contract process. While agencies can take weeks or months to find the best match, this thoughtful process is important because surrogacy is not a commercial transaction; it creates a lifelong bond between your family and the intended parents.
Q16. What if I change my mind during the surrogacy process?
It is natural to occasionally wonder, but a true legal ‘change of mind’ is complicated. After you sign a Michigan surrogacy contract, your legal obligations depend on the language of the agreement and state law. You cannot simply walk away without consequences, especially if the intended parents have already paid for medical procedures or flown to Michigan for clinic visits.
That said, no contract can force you to continue a pregnancy that endangers your health. You always preserve your bodily autonomy. Before you sign, think honestly about your dedication, along with the realities of pregnancy: prenatal vitamin shots, early-morning injections, weight gain, possible bed rest, and the risk of pregnancy loss.
If you find yourself having persistent doubts, talk with your support team — your agency counselor, therapist, and attorney. They can help you address your fears and sort out whether the issue is a mismatch with the intended parents or something deeper. If you are dealing with an unintended medical condition, your lawyer will explain the contractual options and any liability that could result from termination.
Section 5: Medical and Pregnancy Questions
The medical process can seem overwhelming at first, but you will have an entire team of specialists guiding you, from reproductive endocrinologists to nurses you can call at any hour.
Q17. What medical and psychological screenings will I undergo?
Before you become a surrogate, you will receive a comprehensive medical screening that includes blood tests, a cardiac risk assessment, screening for infectious diseases, and an evaluation of your uterus via ultrasound or hysteroscopy. Your blood type, immunity to certain diseases, and hormone levels will also be checked.
With respect to the psychological aspect, you will meet with a licensed mental health professional who specializes in third-party reproduction. This evaluation helps determine whether you have realistic expectations, healthy coping mechanisms, and a support network that can sustain you. The clinician may also meet with your partner or spouse, since surrogacy affects the entire household.
There is no reason to feel nervous about these screenings. They are designed to help you succeed. If any issue arises, your team can discuss whether it is manageable or a contraindication to proceeding. Medical transparency at this stage protects you just as much as it does the future child.
Q18. What fertility treatments will I receive to prepare for embryo transfer?
Your preparation begins with medications that synchronize your menstrual cycle with the embryo timeline. This typically involves oral contraceptives to schedule your cycle, followed by daily injections of progesterone to prepare your uterine lining for implantation. Some surrogates also take estrogen by injection or pill to thicken the lining.
The medication cycle can last several weeks before the actual embryo transfer. Registered nurses from the clinic will teach you how to give yourself injections — or your partner can help. Many women report discomfort like bloating, mood swings, and injection-site soreness, but these side effects usually recede after pregnancy is confirmed.
You will attend regular monitoring appointments when your doctor checks your hormone levels and uses transvaginal ultrasound to measure the thickness of your endometrial lining. Once everything looks perfect, the embryo transfer is scheduled. This protocol is known as an ‘in-vitro fertilization’ cycle, specifically designed for gestational carriers.
Q19. What happens during the embryo transfer procedure?
The embryo transfer itself is surprisingly short and not painful for most women. It is usually performed at a fertility clinic by a reproductive endocrinologist. You will lie on an exam table, and the physician will pass a thin, flexible catheter through your cervix and into the uterus. Then the embryo — carefully loaded into a small amount of fluid — is gently released.
You might feel mild discomfort from the speculum or pressure, analogous to a Pap smear, but not enough to require sedation. Afterward, many doctors recommend that you rest for a short time before going home. You should be able to resume normal activities the next day, though heavy lifting and intense exercise are usually discouraged while you await the pregnancy test.
It is totally normal to feel a rush of hope and nerves. Over the next couple of weeks, the embryo attempts to implant in your uterine lining. If it succeeds, the clinic will perform a blood pregnancy test, which usually happens about nine to twelve days after transfer. The moment that positive test arrives is deeply moving for everyone.
Q20. What is my role in prenatal care and delivery?
Once you are pregnant, you will continue to receive prenatal care from an obstetrician in your local community. The fertility clinic typically ‘releases’ you to your own OBGYN after about eight to ten weeks of pregnancy, though some clinics coordinate closely with your provider throughout.
Your role is to keep regular prenatal appointments, follow your doctor’s recommendations about nutrition, exercise, and rest, and communicate any concerning symptoms to the appropriate medical professionals. You are not expected to be passive; you are the one experiencing the pregnancy, and your observations matter.
When it comes to delivery, you will work with your intended parents to create a birth plan. They may want to be in the delivery room, cut the umbilical cord, or hold the baby immediately after birth. You can define boundaries in your surrogacy agreement, and again with your hospital’s care team through a birth plan. Many surrogates describe finding incredible strength in the knowledge that the baby they carry will be greeted by their waiting parents.
Q21. Can I still have a healthy pregnancy after surrogacy?
Yes — many surrogates go on to have more children of their own. Carrying a child for someone else does not generally make you infertile or increase your future risk beyond what any pregnancy might entail. Fertility clinics intentionally review your medical history before they approve you, and if you experienced complications in the past, they would counsel you about the risk.
After your surrogate maternity leave ends, your body usually returns to your baseline, though the number of pregnancies and C-sections you have can affect recommendations for future deliveries. That is why medical professionals advise spacing pregnancies and allowing yourself time to heal before trying to conceive again.
Surrogacy can also affect your emotional desire for another baby; it is common to have complicated feelings after you deliver someone else’s child. Your support team should continue to offer postpartum check-ins. Give yourself grace and time — your family comes first when planning your own reproductive future.
Section 6: Compensation, Insurance, and Emotional Support
Surrogacy is not charity work — and Michigan recognizes that you are performing a physically and emotionally demanding service. While reimbursement and compensation should never be the only reason you choose to become a surrogate, you deserve transparent answers about what to expect.
Q22. How much can I earn as a surrogate in Michigan, and how does compensation work?
The amount you can earn as a gestational surrogate varies based on experience, location, agency fees, and whether you are carrying twins. Nationally, base compensation often ranges between $45,000 and $65,000, and experienced Michigan surrogates can negotiate above that. Some contracts include additional amounts for medical procedures, multiple embryo transfers, and surrogacy-related hardships.
Compensation is usually paid in monthly installments rather than a lump sum. The agency or escrow company releases payments at each milestone, such as after the embryo transfer, upon confirmation of a fetal heartbeat, and at mid-pregnancy. This helps ensure that you are paid evenly while protecting intended parents if the cycle doesn’t progress as hoped.
Always confirm your actual base pay, whether it is paid for taking medication and being on bed rest, and what happens if a cycle fails or you miscarry. Your attorney can negotiate to protect you from unpaid months due to medical schedule delays. Financial clarity is part of your legal safety net.
Q23. Are my medical expenses and insurance covered?
In most surrogacy agreements, the intended parents pay all pregnancy-related medical expenses that your personal health insurance does not cover. This includes your medication, doctor visits, hospital stays, delivery costs, and any screening tests that are not standard for pregnancy.
The key is coordinating insurance properly, because your personal policy may not cover surrogacy or may have exclusions. If you have insurance through your employer, they might not cover a pregnancy intended for someone else. Your surrogacy agency will usually evaluate your policy and advise whether you need to purchase a separate surrogacy-specific policy through a provider like ART Risk Solutions or New Life Agency.
If a dedicated surrogacy insurance policy is needed, intended parents foot that bill. Be very clear in the contract about who covers anesthesia, cesarean delivery, and any extended hospital stay. Medical costs are one of the largest items in the surrogacy budget, so never try to ‘wing it’ without professional insurance review.
Q24. What other expenses will the intended parents cover?
Beyond medical costs, intended parents generally cover legal fees for both lawyers, psychological screening costs for you and your partner, travel costs to the fertility clinic, and any childcare costs for your own children while you travel to appointments. Many agreements also include reimbursement for maternity clothes up to a certain amount, as well as a monthly food allowance or medical co-payment.
You might also be covered for lost wages if your doctor mandates bed rest or disability because of a pregnancy-related complication. Hardship provisions are common — they protect your income if you cannot work during a difficult pregnancy. Some agencies provide a structured memorandum of expenses, so every out-of-pocket cost is documented and repaid quickly.
It is important to include a clear process for reimbursement requests. You do not want to be caught paying for plane tickets or prescription co-pays out of pocket. A good contract lists responsible timelines for reimbursement and any escrow account designed to hold money in advance.
Q25. What emotional and physical support is available throughout the journey?
Surrogacy is filled with moments of profound joy, but it can also bring physical fatigue, hormone swings, and complicated emotions. That is why every reputable agency ensures you have a dedicated case manager who coordinates appointments and listens when you need support. The clinic’s nursing team is available to answer medication questions and provide guidance about side effects.
It is highly recommended to work with a therapist who specializes in surrogacy and reproductive health. Therapists can help you process the emotional intensity of carrying a baby for someone else, especially when you experience pregnancy loss or have to navigate unfamiliar feelings of attachment. Some agencies provide a certain number of free counseling sessions or refer you to vetted networks.
Beyond professionals, your personal support system — your partner, close friends, or online surrogate communities — anchors your resilience. Michigan has active surrogacy groups where you can share experiences with women who truly understand. You should never feel alone on this path.
Key Takeaways
- Michigan is now a welcoming state for gestational surrogacy, thanks to recent legal updates. Compensated surrogacy is legal and enforceable with the right protections.
- Gestational surrogacy means you carry a baby who is not genetically related to you, and it is the only recommended path in modern surrogacy practice.
- You must have independent legal counsel in Michigan, and intended parents typically pay for your attorney fees.
- Qualification standards prioritize safety: age, BMI, prior full-term pregnancy, stable health, and emotional readiness are all important.
- Pre-birth parentage orders are designed to secure intended parents as the legal parents immediately at birth, protecting you from parental responsibilities.
- Compensation in Michigan can range upward from $45,000, plus medical, legal, travel, and childcare expenses paid by the intended parents.
- Medical coverage is a must — your personal health insurance may not cover surrogacy, and dedicated surrogacy insurance may be necessary.
- Surrogacy is an emotional and physical journey; use professional therapists, supportive agencies, and your own trusted community to carry you through.
- Do your own research, interview multiple agencies, and ask every question that appears in your mind — including those we didn’t list here.
- Surrogacy can be one of the most meaningful experiences of your life. When it is done right, it changes everyone involved for the better.
